Shoutbox Shenanigans
by Kasper ze Chemist
Summary: Boredom can go a long way, especially with many authors. A multiple contribution Bones parody of interesting nature starring all your favorite Bones characters, and more!


**Okay, so this is a joint effort with contributions from phoebsfan, kiki, cupcake, and me. Together at the ABY we were just messing around with the shoutbox, kinda like instant messaging, except we can use different names. The italised words are the names and sometimes the characters had little epithets to go along with them. So under the guise of boredom we started posting these funny things until it became one giant parody. It is crude at some points and sexual content is implied all around, but it's really funny once ya read it all, so please, lets us all know what you think, good or bad. just keep in mind that this was just done as a joke and we all want to see Booth naked as much as any female on the planet. So, be prepared to laugh!**

**Sorry if it is hard to understand. Bold text indicate an action that is taking place.**

_Grissom, Entomologist_ chirp chirp Sure is quiet 'round these parts. Sure could use some good bug specimens.

_Jack Hodgins, King of the Lab_ Excuse me, but this lab ain't big enough for the both of us.

_Gil Grissom, King of Entomology_ We should see about that Hodgins **hand runs along holster holding gun that magically appears even though Gil doesn't carry a gun**

_Jack Hodgins, Reigning King of the Lab_ **Reaches for bottles of ammonia, bleach, and Spam** We shall see, Gil. death glare will those sweet blue eyes

_Gil Grissom, King of Evidence_ Go lead soft point copper jacket bullet! **fires gun in an ash from pokemon throwing a pokeball manner**

_Zach Addy, The King's Lackey_ Squints stay together, just like covalent bonding! **Zach dives down, taking the bullet for Hodgins**

_Jack Hodgins, King of Chemicals_ Chlorine, REACT! **mixes bleach and ammonia and almost immediately a yellow-green cloud is emitted and puts on a gas mask and gets Zach out**

_The Lab_ **WEE OH WEE OH WEE OH WEE OH, and other lound annoying sirens** Chemical contamination in Entomology Department, Chlorine contamination in Entomology

_Random Unimportant Squint_ Oh No!... **coughs** Save me!... c**ollapses**

_Camille Saroyan_ Damn it guys, what the hell kind of experiment did you do now? **in a kyle from south park** voice OMG you killed Grissom! You bastards!

_Special Agent Seeley Booth_ Excuse me I have a date with Bones...Bones' friend from college... yeah. Why the hell can't I get out? And when did you and Gil go out?

_Dr. Goodman_ Hi. What is everyone doing? Why did that random and unimportant squint just collapse?

_Dr. Goodman_ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

_Doctor Temperance Brennan_ Okay people, I have been trying to write the last hundred pages of my third book in two months that has nothing to do with you guys so can shut up.

_Doctor Temperance Brennan_ Or at least act like yourselves so I know what I have to copy. Dr. Goodman, fancy seeing you after that large sabbatical if ya know what I mean...

_Zach Addy, Protector of the King_ OMG Doctor Brennan and Doctor Goodman, together? **Jerry Springer audience type gasp**

_Angela Montenegro_ You know about Dr. Goodman

_Angela Montenegro_ I thought I was the only one who knew about his large sabbatical

_Jack Hodgins, King of the Lab Forevermore_ Ange, baby, did you see me win? Wanna go make out in the specimen closet?

_Zach Addy, King of the Nerds_ Doesn't anyone want to know why I am not dead, or in fact thank me for saving the king's life?

_The Lab and the Squints_ NO!

_Angela Montenegro_ of course. It's so hot when you prove your masculinity by outwitting everyone else. Smart is sexy.

_Jack Hodgins, King of the Lab Forevermore_ Oh baby I love it when you talk about me **leads Angela to the closet**

_Special Agent Seeley Booth, Sexy Personified_ So um Bones, when does your friend get here?

_Dr. Temperance Brennan_ I've been meaning to talk to you about that...

_Doctor Temperance Brennan, Alter Ego, Captain Oblivious_ Friend, what friend, I thought we were going out together?

_Seeley Booth, Alter Ego, General Sex-Me-Up_ Whoa, what the hell is going on here?

_Dr. Sweets_ I knew there was tongue!! Your Jedi mind tricks don't work on me.

_Gordon, Gordon Wyatt_ Your young age cannot outwit me. I challenge you to a duel!

_Dr. Sweets_ my young age and naive nature will make you rue the day you ever thought to challenge me.

_Gordon, Gordon Wyatt_ **takes out glove and smack Sweet across the cheek**

_Dr. Sweets_ plus, the ladies love me.

_Dr. Sweets_ cries. I'm telling my mommy.

_Gordon, Gordon Wyatt_ Oh please, I got women. Chicks dig accents, there's a Facebook group about it you know...

_Gordon, Gordon Wyatt_ You would, pansy

_Dr. Sweets_ I should have a facebook group... sniff

_Special Agent Tim Sullivan_ Guess who's back, back again. Sully's back, tell a friend.

_Dr. Sweets_ I'll be your friend. mutters under breath maybe he won't make fun of me for thinking the lab is field work.

_Special Agent Tim Sullivan_ Hey kid. Wanna try a bite of my sausage sandwich?

_Dr. Sweets_ Uhm... Ok!

_Special Agent Tim Sullivan_ How about a peanut. I know I got one in my pants here somewhere **begins patting himself looking for an elusive peanut**

_Dr. Goodman_ ... As entertaining as that is young man. I'm back, isn't that important?

_Special Agent Tim Sullivan_ Hello, I don't think we've met. I'm Sully, I was with Temperance before she left me for Booth.

_Dr. Goodman_ you too huh. fumbles I mean eh... Booth is a great guy. **wink**

_Doctor Temperance Brennan, Queen of the Liars_ I stayed for my work.

_Angela Montenegro, Princess of Sex on the Job_ Sweetie, Booth is a part of your work...

_Doctor temperance Brennan, Alter Ego_ Plus we all know that I am not capable of being in a fulfilling relationship at this juncture in time.

_Seeley Booth, Player_ Hey now Goody, you said that was not going to be brought up...again

_The Lab_ Goody?!

_Jack Hodgins, King of the Lab and Angela Montenegro_ Ange... I thought we were in the middle of...

_Angela Montenegro, Queen of Multi-tasking_ Baby, I am using my hands, not my mouth...

_Jack Hodgins, King of of ... everything _Noted. Not complaining.

_Dr. Goodman_ What? Well there was a reason for the sabbatical...

_Dr. Brennan, Obliviousness Personified_ Are we still talking about the penis?

_Dr. Goodman_ No, we're talking about my sabbatical, why does everyone assume that means penis?

_Special Agent Tim Sullivan_ Are we comparing size? Because I think I am up there, literally...

_Seeley Booth, Formally introduced to Goody's Sabbatical_ To be fair Goody, that's what you called it.

_Seeley Booth, Sex Personified_ Now Sully, I think we all know who's the biggest...

_Dr. Goodman, King of the Large Sabbatical_ I tend to forget what I say before and after I climax. That's a good night. **Winks at Booth, Brennan, and The Lab**

_Angela Montenegro_ Yeah, he's not King of the Lab for nothing

_The Lab_ Hey don't drag me into your sexual voyages.

_The Lab_ dude, I'm inanimate

_Seeley Booth_ Oh come on.

_Dr. Goodman_ Come on what may I ask? **wink**

_Zach Addy_ I get it!

_Dr. Goodman_ Get what? The little innuendo?

_Seeley Booth_ Haha innuendo... sounds Italian for 'in your end'

_Zach Addy_ Yes, the innuendo. Contrary to common belief I am not a virgin and as such do understand things like innuendo.

_Naomi from Paleontology_ Hey Zach, you tiger in bed you... ready for some hot, sweaty, steamy passionate animalistic sex tonight. Oh, hello everyone

_Princess MOD_ i love this...please continue

_Angela Montenegro_ Who's princess mod? Did we get a new addition to the Lab recently that I don't know about? How is that possible?

_Princess MOD_ princess mod would like to play too...

_Dr. Goodman_ I hire without your knowledge. Please, why do you think she points to Cam is here?

_Dr. Brennan_ You don't know everything Ange, despite what you may believe. I mean I totally never told you about that time with Booth.

_Cam, Queen of Unknown Hires_ **raises hand in demonstration**

_Princess MOD_ i am working for dr. Goodman

_Angela Montenegro_ SQUEE WHAT DID YOU DO WITH BOOTH OR TO BOOTH?! SHARE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW/

_Dr. Sweets_ Ah, my own Princess... So... my girlfriend and I broke up recently...

_Seeley Booth_ Fieldwork doesn't constitute grounds for sex, eh Sweets?

_Dr. Brennan_ Well, you know that time we went to Vegas...

_Princess MOD_ that right sweets...i am all yours

_Dr. Sweets_ Does it make you feel better to belittle me, Agent Booth? Do you have a problem with authority figures as well?

_Dr. Sweets_ See... I don't even have to try and they're throwing themselves at me.

_Princess MOD_ because booth is apparently taken

_Seeley Booth_ Rich people, authority figures, all the same. Anyone that makes me look small is a problem. Not that I am small. I am rather large, right Bones?

_Dr. Goodman_ Yes Booth, you are rather large.

_Seeley Booth_ Hey what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... whispers in Brennan's ear or your bedroom, I'm not objecting to that either.

_Dr. Brennan, queen of denial_ I don't know what you're talking about Boothie Boo

_Dr. Brennan_ You mustn't forget your kitchen, my office, the laundry room of my building, your FBI issued vehicle...

_Seeley Booth_ Oh, trust me. I haven't forgotten

_Seeley Booth_ I may have been shouting out lid, that doesn't mean that I had no clue where I was.

_Seeley Booth_ Sorry I was thinking about lid in reference to your panties, and how much I want them off. I wanted to say loud. Freudian slip.

_Gordon, Gordon Wyatt_ Freud! I wrote my thesis on him. Rather interesting fellow...

_Angela Montenegro_ See Hodgie... I told you I heard something coming from her office the other day.

_Jack Hodgins, King of the Oblivious During Sex_ How the hell are you talking right now?

_Angela Montenegro, Queen of Multi-Tasking Remember_ Well...you... just... have... too...and then... mhmmm

_Dr. Jack Hodgins, Ever Suspicious_ And the morgue...and the janitor's closet...and my office the day before that...you two have been busy, haven't you?

_Dr. Brennan_ Your office?

_Cam_ **tries to sneak off**

_Special Agent "Sheepish" Booth_ Actually, Hodgins' office might have just been me...needed to...ah...release some tension

_Angela Montenegro, Gives Up On Closet Sex With Hodgins_ That's what Bren is for. Sheesh, do I have to tell you two everything?

_The Lab_ Cam, weren't you in Hodgin's office one day this week whistles innocently

_Special Agent "Sheepish" Booth_ Em...yeah, actually. How is it you guys avoid the brooms? Coz I gotta say, they get in the way a LOT. One of them got stuck right up...

_Camille_ I thought you were inanimate. And I may have gone in there to discuss work business once or twice, perfectly natural normal behavior.

_Jack Hodgins, All So Not Sheepish_ Double the penetration, double the pleasure is my motto baby

_Cam the Snitch_ Keep your mouth shut, lab. I could just as easily dish the dirt on you.

_Dr. brennan_ Yeah, that's a real mood killer... I mean.. Booth is so... crappy sex vs. making love that things like that... well you have to ease him into it.

_The Lab_ Hal was my third cousin twice removed from my mother's uncle's stepfather's grandpa's side.

_Brennan, the "experienced" one_ Very true, Hodgins.

_Zack Addy_ How is that possible?

_The Lab_ What dirt Camille? I know what YOU did last night...

_Booth, the easily indignant agent_ I do NOT have to be eased into it! You have to be eased ONTO it!

_Dr. Sweets_ I know what she did too.

_Dr. Brennan_ Why thank you, I do have rather large muscles...

_Dr. Sweets_ **wink, wink**

_The Lab_ Dr. Sweets, please stop pretending. We all know what is in the top drawer of your desk...

_Seeley Booth_ aside to Brennan Bones, where's the Prepartion H?

_Dr. Sweets_ Now, now, there is no need to bring my lightsaber into this.

_Dr. Brennan_ is that supposed to be some kind of twisted come on?

_Dr. Goodman_ Did someone say sabbatical?

_The Lab_ NO!

_Zach Addy_ Lightsaber? I have a sword.

_Speacial Agent Tim Sullivan_ I found my peanut... and some whipped cream in the process

_Jack Hodgins, King of the Lab_ **groans**

_Special Agent Booth_ Must have been quite a search there, Sull.

_Speacial Agent Tim Sullivan_ Ha ha, yeah I guess...

_Dr. Brennan_ You'd be surprised Booth. I'm just saying that you and he have more in common than you'd like to think.

_Zach Addy_ I like surprises!

_The Lab_ we do not have a KING, we're a democracy... so cease this silly game, you do not rule us. Currently that is Angela's Computer's job.

_Hal_ Lab, I am your father.

_Special Agent Tim Sullivan_ suddenly enthusiastic Booth also shares a keen, but perfectly masculine, interest in salsa dancing?

_The Lab_ Arrrrrrrrriba! **Salsa music starts**

_Dr. Sweets_ Yes, but that does not mean he's any good at it.

_The Lab_ How would you know?

_Jack Hodgins, STILL king of the Lab_ Ange is the best at salsa dancing... any kind of dancing really... she does a mean horizontal Tango.

_Hal_ What, you don't trust computers?

_Dr. Sweets_ It's my job to know these things.

_The Lab_ **stops the salsa music** Daddy?

_Angela "Ever Subtle" Montenegro_ But your impressive third leg is a big help, Hodgie.

_Jack Hodgins_ I trust computers... and I actually believe there is a secret government within our Lab... but I don't have to agree to their terms.

_Dr. Brennan, the Oblivious_ Are we talking about penises again?

_Jack Hodgins_ Yeah, well... Wanna dance? **raises eyebrow**

_Zach Addy_ deadpan Did we ever really stop?

_Hal_ hides **ultra top secret government files in a secret hard drive under porn**

_Jack Hodgins_ I knew it.

_Special Agent Tim Sullivan_ Hey guys, Cam found a peanut AND cream of wheat in my pants!

_Dr. Brennan, the Obvious_ **loudly, so as not to cause embarrassment** They're talking about having sex.

_Jack Hodgins_ I think I might be sick

_Parker_ "scuse Mister Sullyvan... do you have the Barney bag in your pants?

_Angela Montenegro_ Ah, come here Hodgie... I'll make you feel better.

_Agent Seeley Booth_ Alright, that's it. No more talking about you know what with Parker in the room. Parker did you run away from your mother again?

_Parker_ No, I walked. She's slow.

_Agent Seeley Booth_ she's coming here! Eh, why?

_Dr. Sweets_ Can someone make Sweets feel better?

_Camille Saroyan_ Come 'ere sugar

_Dr. Sweets_ **jumps**

_Agent Seeley Booth_ Hey guys... come on... he's a lot quicker than his mother, he's gonna pick up on things. It won't be pretty.

_Camille Saroyan and Dr. Sweets_ passionately make out and head for Cam's office

_Agent Seeley Booth_ you haven't seen an angry Rebecca... I have and I'd like to avoid repeating the scene.

_Agent Seeley Booth_ **covers parkers eyes** Damnit

_Seeley Booth_ I feel pretty, so pretty and witty and..

_Dr. Brennan_ Sex rarely is

_Agent Seeley Booth_ not you too Bones... come on.

_Dr. Brennan_ Gladly. **hops on Booth's back**

_Dr. Brennan_ I am Wonder Woman... weeeeeeeeeee!

_Parker_ I want a piggyback ride too!

_Angela Montenegro_ don't we all.

_Jack, super suave, Hodgins_ Well all you gotta do is ask baby. Hop on.

_Dr. Brennan_ Booth, you're back is rather boring... I'd rather be in the front

_Rebecca...THE EX_ Parker...**winded** I told you to slow down...**takes in the scene** WTF!... I mean... What is going on here, Booth

_Seeley Booth_ Baby, you're making this really HARD on me.


End file.
